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User blog:Joeaikman/Recapping in Rap - Harry Potter
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good! That no good bullshit is another episode of Recapping in Rap! Today I attempt to write a rap summary for all of the Harry Potter books, as requested by Sega! Peace! Potter parents killed by one who can’t be named! Dumbledore and Hagrid give an orphan away! Harry with his relatives! Living through his pain! You’re a wizard Harry! Make friends on a train! Dark wizard in the forest! Draco plays the dick! Harry learns Quidditch, then he catches the snitch! Troll in the dungeons! Ron’s wand gets snotted! Hermione enters the group! Hagrid is too honest! Snape is limping! A life extending stone is hidden! Harry is certain that he has found the villain! Pass through the challenges! Key to the door! It’s Quirrell not Snape! He has to kill Voldemort! Book 2 starts with a visit from a nosey house-elf! Almost kills Harry twice, though he’s trying to help! There’s a message in blood! The heir has returned! Hagrid is arrested, and Dumbledore gets spurned! Attacks around the school, and Hermione gets stoned! Then Ron and Harry work out the culprit all alone! Harry in the Chamber saves Ginny from a memory! Kill the snake! Defeat Tom Riddle via stabbing diary! Book three! Harry blows up the bitchy Aunt Marge! Knight Bus! Find out that Sirius Black is at large! He helped to murder Harry’s daddy!? That ain’t true! The real culprit is a rat, who is really Peter Pettigrew! Lupin teaches Harry a trick to deal with Dementors! Harry goes back in time, to save another of his mentors! Sirius leaves as a hero! The plan was Dumbledore approved! Though Ron was left out, so now he is confused! Book Four! A deadly tournament has come to the castle! Harry is chosen as a champion! Rita Skeeter is a hassle! Big ball after dragons and saving Ron from the mermaids! Hermione gets off with Krum, and Harry enters the maze! Trophy is a portkey! Cedric gets murdered in a graveyard! Voldemort is resurrected and causes Harry pain; harsh! Teleport back to the castle! Moody isn’t who he seemed! Cedric’s father cries! Dumbledore gives an emotional speech! Book Five! Harry uses magic to save Dudley’s life! Order of the Phoenix! Minister Fudge has Harry tried! Meet a smarmy Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher! So set up Dumbledore’s Army to learn and try to beat her! Filch puts up new rules! Weasley’s go out with a bang! Harry goes to the Ministry! Joined by the rest of his gang! Bellatrix and Lucius team up! Sirius Black goes and dies! Trelawney prophecy! Neither can live whilst the other survives! - Book Six! The series goes and gives us a shift in tone! Ron hooks up with Mary Sue! Hermione in the friendzone! Slughorn is a Slytherin! Harry goes and pulls a Weasley! Harry pretends to like him so that he can get a memory! Horcrux reveal! Voldemort split his soul into pieces! Find one, but then Snape leaves Albus dead and defeated! Harry examines the locket, only to find that is fake! No! Overly big reveal that the Half Blood Prince was Snape, bro! Polyjuice on Potter! The Order attempt to make a scene! Hedwig dies on the way! And then Moody dies off-screen! Bill and Fleur married! Death Eaters all gonna gate crash! Horcrux now with Umbridge! Stolen from the House of Black! Ron leaves! Are Harry and Hermione gonna get it on? Snake attack in the Hollow! Monument to Harry’s mom! Ron comes back! Doe patronus leads them to the sword! Then Ron destroys the locket with the Sword of Gryffindor! The group then break into Gringotts to steal them a goblet! Dragons roast goblins! The trio then head off to Hogwarts! Voldemort knows! Plans an attack! He is sure he can’t be beat! Then Neville kills Nagini! Ron destroys goblet with snake teeth! Ron and Hermione then make out! Draco does a fake out! Harry destroys the diadem, but Voldemort takes Snape out! Snape’s memory reveals that the end game sees Harry die! He survives? Bellatrix bites it, and then Voldemort to the sky! Category:Blog posts